During my visit in Pittsburgh, PA, me and my husband were surprised with tickets to a Steelers Football Game on Monday. Although I am not a sports fan at all, I realized that tickets to a Monday night game are hard to come by and I hesitantly agreed to go.
There I was, appropriately dressed as if I was a hardcore Steelers fan: a black and yellow colored T-shirt, an old school football cap and something that is called a Terrible Towel. I was instructed to wave with that towel in the stadium.
Dear reader, I felt so out of place in the football stadium! If one would know me, one could easily tell I was completely out of my element. I persevered, timidly sat down in my seat and did not know what to expect.
Little did I know that during this game, several insights would hit me like a lightning bolt.
My fears and insecurities with regard to my creativity
The weeks prior to my visit to Pittsburgh I was sort of in a heavy struggle and difficult dialogue with myself. Regular visitors of this blog will know by now that I have been designing knitwear more and more over the past year. Untill this day I have been receiving positive feedback and more than once I have been asked when I am going to sell knitting patterns.
And more than once, my response was a hesitant one. I would reply with: “Oh it’s so much work to write a pattern!”, or I would say “I just cannot find the time to set it all up!”
The truth however, is that at times I can be rather insecure about what I do. I am plagued by visions that knitters will hate my patterns, that they will hunt me down for mistakes in the patterns, that I will be accused of being a bad designer or even worse, that I am accused of stealing somebody else’s pattern
I am afraid of being hit hard by negativity. Because when you get hit, it hurts. It hurts like hell.
Getting hit hard
During that football game, I was amazed of how hard the players would get hit. And I was equally amazed how quickly they would be up on their feet again, back in formation, focussed, in balance and with no fear.
I would see how a player would run with the ball, knowing that at one point he would get hit so immense hard, but it did not stop him. He just kept on going fearlessly and then took the blow, fell down with all these huge guys jumping on top of him, and then got up again.
Right there and then it became so crystal clear to me.
How fear can keep you from growing
If I continue to be afraid of getting hit by negative response by knitters with regard to my designs and/or patterns, then my patterns will never come about.
If I continue to be held back by the mere fear of getting hit, well, then I will never grow.
In life, things will hit you hard and it will hurt. But guess what, you will get up on your feet again, focussed in balance and back in formation.
Passionately doing what I am doing
I can only do what I passionately want to do and that is knitting and patternwriting. I love it so much, it brings me so much joy and I just cannot stop doing what I am doing.
I so want to create beautiful designs and better myself. I so want to grow and keep on moving forward. In this frame of mind, there is no place for fear any longer.
If you like my work, than I am thankful. If you hate my work, well, too bad…
Thanks for reading and untill the next entry!
Let’s go Steelers, let’s go!